July 13, 2005

All My Love

I wrote before that I was uncertain about my definition of God, and that I questioned the veracity of my "ideas" about Him. I ended with the statement that my doubt, in this instance, made worshipping a tricky proposition. While I still believe that is true, I don't think the solution is beyond my reach. I mean, it's not rocket science. In fact, it's not science at all, it's philosophy. But that's a different discussion.

It now occurs to me that maybe I was being too rigid, and defining worship too narrowly. Certainly I have witnessed the paradox of devotion: I never feel as free as when I am serving something, or someone, completely. Conversely, I am oppressed by options and abundance more than . . . a lot. Even now I pause wondering which words work best. Perhaps the nature of worship is similar to the paradox of devotion.

When seeking liberation we have a couple of options: either we free ourselves or we ask for help. I believe, in spiritual matters at least, that the liberation lives in the asking. What I mean is that this admission of need, of insufficiency, or even of failure -- whether it be through confession, prayer, a crisis hotline, or a visit to the neighbor's -- is an acknowledgment of interdependence. We are bound by what we lack, or perhaps because we lack it. This is the paradox. How strange it is to be bound by that which is missing, or that may not even exist. It is equally unexpected to discover that we might be liberated by what binds us. Paradoxes are weird that way.

The joy of serving, and of rescuing, and of being saved, is that we may freely admit and fully believe that we have a place, and a purpose. We reveal the evidence that we matter. In this one act we are not extra. So we may rightly presume then that our being here makes sense. And that's a good feeling; it's liberating, actually.

Is recognizing the fact that "need" exists in each of us evidence that God does too? Of course it isn't. What is God? Who am me? Luckily, with respect to this entry, it doesn't matter. Recognizing that "need" exists means only that we care. If we didn't care then we wouldn't call it need when we felt it, or when we saw it, we'd just call it sadness. But we do call it need, and we do care, and in that we are worshipping. And we're not worshipping those we care about, rather we worship what we have in common with them, and it ain't just flesh and bone, it's something else entirely.

Best wishes to you London. All my love.

Worship - Courtesy or reverence paid to worth; hence, honor; respect. Act of paying divine honors, homage.
Devotion - Ardent affection, dedication, zealous service or attachment. Fidelity.
Liberation - Freedom; release from restraint or bondage.