August 12, 2005

Noah answered the phone

The phone rang recently, right in the middle of the night. Being the curious type, that's the sort of thing that I just can't let go. For once I can't wait to say hello. Now I know some people who would be annoyed by this sort of abrupt event. I know others who would sleep right through it. But I'm not like them. I'm up. I'm out of bed. I'm across two rooms already before I begin wondering, Who the hell would even be calling me at this, whatever time it is?

For me it's instinct. I'm like a panther pouncing out of a tree on that goddamned phone.

Chances are that I'll be too late, that I'll miss this call, that I'll say hello and no one will be there. How likely is it that it'll be a wrong number? Is this a call I actually need to take now? Or is this someone who needs me?

Things happen against the better judgment of chance all the time. We all violate logic, don't we? We live for the unexpected, at least I do, and we long for a break in the routine. That's why, for me, a wake-up call is a great gift -- a reminder that someone might be in jail, or hurt, or drunk, or on vacation on the other side of the world. Or maybe I just slept late. Really late. When did I even go to bed?

Anyhow, you've likely guessed by now that when I answered the phone no one was there, at least not anyone that spoke. I mean no on was there, on the line, that spoke to me in words. Still I can't help but think that it was a signal of some kind. And I know the call came from somewhere, someone, or some machine maybe, not that it matters.

Recently I've been thinking of building something, though I know it will take more from me than I am really willing to give. I fully expect that it will change my life radically, for better or worse, not to mention the lives of those who love and live with me. So I feel as though I should take my time with this decision, and I have. The night call was just a nod, just reassurance, the sort of sign I needed to go ahead and do it. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.

So I write this today only to say, you know, be careful. In the middle of the night when you leap out of bed, when you tumble over things that ought to be familiar, when your mind races, when things are ringing and it couldn't be more urgent, just be careful when you answer the phone.