January 05, 2009

On the Rack: If Descartes was Right

I read all these books even though I don't especially like to read. Honestly, most of the things I do are things that I don't really like doing. I have, at times, tried to enjoy doing these things, generally by meditating on what I like even less. This is, at best, only a partial victory.

Ocassionally I come across something I thought I wouldn't like, before I find that I actually like it. It is always a treat when that happens. So I try to do new things as often as possible, or at least when it is convenient.

When I find a thing that I like to do, inevitably I also realize that my fond association is nothing to do with anything intrinsic to this or that activity. It is instead that when I am so engaged that I do not feel time passing, and I do not act self-consciously, and I am, therefore, in some way, liberated. And I like that.

Occasionally, while under this sort of a spell, I do not eat. Sometimes I do not even think. If Descartes was right when he said, "I think, therefore I am", then what conclusion must I draw from these times when I do not think? How about when I do not eat?

One might say, in this sense, doing what I like is self-destructive. If so, then I wonder if self, in this instance, deserves to remain intact. It is a leap, I know, but what if self is the rack onto which the obligations and duties, and all other misdirection cling to, or are hung?

Here is a thing worth doing: Let's see the obligations, and duties, and all manner of other distractions hanged from the rack, on the rack, of the self. And then we could ignore it and live, freely, with whatever is left.